In the Eye of the Storm

Series 3 Episode 10 Overview

She Snippets for She Speaks Podcast Series 3 — Making Sense of the Hard Bits of Parenting

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Episode Overview

When your child is in crisis, your primitive brain kicks in. You might feel angry, frightened, embarrassed, or frustrated. You might want to lecture, reason, or retaliate. These are normal reactions—but they won't help.

In this snippet, Delyse Clayden walks through what to actually do when you're right in the middle of it. Four clear strategies: connect before you correct, keep everyone safe, help them shift gears, and reduce stimulation. This is the practical episode—what to do with your body, your voice, your words, and your presence when everything is falling apart.

This Episode

Delyse shares four strategies for navigating meltdowns as they happen. We explore:

Connect before you correct:

•       During emotional overwhelm, the world feels scary and threatening—your child needs to feel supported before they can calm down

•       Your physical size, tone of voice, and proximity can all add to escalation

•       Angry children hear your tone more than your words—soften your face and voice

•       Express what they might be feeling: "You seem really disappointed" or "This feels really unfair to you right now"

•       Stay nearby and tell them why: "I'm staying here because I want to help you through this tough moment"

•       Make yourself smaller—crouch or sit at or below their eye level

Keep everyone safe (move and remove):

•       Move other children out of the way: "I'm going to get your brother to sit over there so everyone stays safe"

•       Move dangerous objects without commentary: "I'm going to put it away for now"

•       Remove yourself if needed: "You're hurting me right now, so I'm going to step back, but I'm still here to help"

Help them shift gears:

•       Guided breathing or body relaxation (they'll probably hate it—do it anyway)

•       Change location if possible—remove them from where the situation happened

•       Start the activity yourself: "I'm going to look at this book. You can join me if you like"

•       Offer simple choices (two options, not open-ended): "Would you like to draw or build?"

•       Praise tiny steps towards calm: "Thank you for using your words just now"

Reduce and remove stimulation:

•       Lower lights, reduce noise, consider noise-cancelling headphones

•       Remove scratchy clothing or tags

•       Weighted blankets, fidget toys, a hug

•       Reassuring phrases: "I'm here for you. You are safe."

On judgment from others:

•       "My child has autism and is overwhelmed" often shifts bystanders from judgment to understanding

•       Or simply: "We need a moment"

•       You don't have to justify yourself to anyone—the most important person is your child and your connection to them

Quotable Moments

"The child is having a problem, not being a problem." — Delyse Clayden

"When they're in the middle of a meltdown, you are not teaching them anything. You are getting them calm first." — Delyse Clayden

"Safety isn't negotiable, but your tone can remain calm and caring while you're still setting physical boundaries." — Delyse Clayden

"Ignoring other people's judgments is very liberating." — Delyse Clayden

About Your Hosts

Professor Narelle Lemon is a researcher, educator, and passionate advocate for women's wellbeing based at Edith Cowan University in Perth. Creator of She Speaks and the Citizen Wellbeing Scientist project, Narelle has dedicated over 25 years to one powerful belief: self-care is not selfish—it's essential.

Delyse Clayden is an experienced educator, disability advocate, and mother of three. Specialising in Anxiety, Autism, and working with siblings, Delyse brings both personal and professional experience to her advocacy work. Her unique perspective as both an educator and a parent living alongside additional needs allows her to connect authentically with families.

Resources Mentioned

•       Delyse Clayden Advocacy: www.volume-disabilityadvocacy.au

•       WA Mental Health Association: Resources on staying calm in challenging situations — www.mhc.wa.gov.au

•       Explore & Create Co: www.exploreandcreateco.com

Connect With Us

Listen to more She Speaks episodes exploring women's wellbeing and self-care

Visit our website: www.shespeakswellbeing.com

Follow us on Instagram: @shespeakswellbeingstrategies

A Note on Wellbeing

She Speaks is dedicated to amplifying women's voices on self-care and wellbeing. While we share personal experiences and practical strategies, please remember that this podcast is not a substitute for professional mental health support. If you're struggling, we encourage you to reach out to a qualified mental health practitioner.

She Speaks is proudly supported by the Western Australian Government and Department of Communities Women's Grants for a Stronger Future Grants Program.

She Speaks Podcast was recorded on the lands of the Whadjuk Nyoongar people. We respectfully acknowledge our elders past, present, and emerging.