You're Allowed to Struggle Too
Series 3 Episode 11 Overview
She Snippets for She Speaks Podcast Series 3 — Making Sense of the Hard Bits of Parenting
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Episode Overview
We say "take care of yourself first" like it's simple. But when you're in the middle of a child's meltdown—doubting your abilities, worrying about other people's judgments, genuinely frightened by the intensity of all these emotions—self-care can feel impossible.
In this snippet, Delyse Clayden acknowledges what so many parents feel but rarely say: managing a child's intense emotions is exhausting, and it triggers our own strong reactions. Small children can be surprisingly destructive, and that can be devastating. This episode gives you permission to struggle—and practical strategies for both caring for yourself and helping your child learn from what happened.
This Episode
Delyse shares strategies for managing your own responses during meltdowns, plus how to reflect and rehearse with your child afterwards. We explore:
• Acknowledge it's hard: children's emotions trigger our own reactions—you might doubt yourself, fear judgment, or feel frightened by the intensity
• Self-care in the storm: talk to someone who understands, take a moment to breathe, use humour if it helps, remind yourself of your strengths
• Meltdowns aren't defiance: changing your mindset from "they're doing this to me" to "they're overwhelmed" changes everything
• Reflect and rehearse: once your child is completely calm, revisit what happened—not to punish, but to teach
• Ask curious questions: "I noticed you were feeling very strongly about that. Are you able to tell me what you were feeling?"
• Practice alternatives: discuss and role-play different responses; use puppets for younger children
• Acknowledge their efforts: "I noticed you started to do some deep breaths. Was that helpful?"
• ABC journaling: track antecedent, behaviour, consequence to identify patterns and prepare better
• Prevention for tantrums: predictable routines, sensory breaks, transition signals, timers, good sleep and nutrition
• For inflexible children: avoid "no" where possible, reframe requests, give extensive advance notice for changes
• Co-design calm-down kits: work together with your child to discover what actually works for them
• Celebrate small wins: recovery time getting shorter, using one calming strategy, communicating one feeling word
• When to reach out: meltdowns increasing in frequency or intensity, aggression escalating, feeling afraid, exhausted or overwhelmed, or your intuition says something deeper needs addressing
Quotable Moments
"Managing a child's intense emotions is exhausting, and they can really trigger your own strong reactions." — Delyse Clayden
"A meltdown isn't a deliberate act of defiance towards you." — Delyse Clayden
"You're not expected to handle everything alone." — Delyse Clayden
"If you feel afraid, exhausted, or overwhelmed... there are times when you really must reach out to get some support." — Delyse Clayden
About Your Hosts
Professor Narelle Lemon is a researcher, educator, and passionate advocate for women's wellbeing based at Edith Cowan University in Perth. Creator of She Speaks and the Citizen Wellbeing Scientist project, Narelle has dedicated over 25 years to one powerful belief: self-care is not selfish—it's essential.
Delyse Clayden is an experienced educator, disability advocate, and mother of three. Specialising in Anxiety, Autism, and working with siblings, Delyse brings both personal and professional experience to her advocacy work. Her unique perspective as both an educator and a parent living alongside additional needs allows her to connect authentically with families.
Resources Mentioned
• Delyse Clayden Advocacy: www.volume-disabilityadvocacy.au
• WA Mental Health Association: Resources on staying calm in challenging situations — www.mhc.wa.gov.au
• Explore & Create Co: www.exploreandcreateco.com
Connect With Us
Listen to more She Speaks episodes exploring women's wellbeing and self-care
Visit our website: www.shespeakswellbeing.com
Follow us on Instagram: @shespeakswellbeingstrategies
A Note on Wellbeing
She Speaks is dedicated to amplifying women's voices on self-care and wellbeing. While we share personal experiences and practical strategies, please remember that this podcast is not a substitute for professional mental health support. If you're struggling, we encourage you to reach out to a qualified mental health practitioner.
She Speaks is proudly supported by the Western Australian Government and Department of Communities Women's Grants for a Stronger Future Grants Program.
She Speaks Podcast was recorded on the lands of the Whadjuk Nyoongar people. We respectfully acknowledge our elders past, present, and emerging.