Why 'I'm Fine' is a Lie We Tell

Series 3 Episode 14 Overview

She Snippets for She Speaks Podcast Series 3 — Making Sense of the Hard Bits of Parenting

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Episode Overview

You're dragging your kids through the school gate with your hair a mess. The parent next to you looks perfectly polished and calm. You tell yourself they've got it together and you don't. But here's what you're not seeing: they probably feel exactly the same way about someone else.

In this snippet, Delyse Clayden unpacks why asking for help feels so impossibly hard—and why so many of us say "I'm fine" when we're anything but. From the trained educator who couldn't admit she needed help with her own children's disabilities, to the fear that needing support means failing as a parent, this episode names the barriers so we can start dismantling them.

This Episode

Delyse identifies six reasons why asking for help feels so difficult—and what happens when we don't. We explore:

•       Unrealistic self-expectations: social media's portrayal of parents who appear to manage everything seamlessly

•       Viewing help as failure: Delyse's story of being a trained educator who still struggled to ask for help with her children's diagnoses

•       Gender role expectations: the cultural belief that mothers, especially stay-at-home parents, should handle childcare independently

•       Fear of admitting problems: the shame and guilt that can come with acknowledging something isn't right (including postpartum depression)

•       Uncertainty about where to start: when you don't know what you need, asking for help becomes another cognitive task

•       Fear of being a burden: worrying others are too busy, or that asking will damage the friendship

•       The cost of going without help: burnout, exhaustion, resentment, isolation, and losing the mental space to even recognise you need support

•       Building your village: creating "lighthouses" for your children—trusted adults they can turn to when they can't talk to you

Quotable Moments

"I'm a trained educator and admitting that I couldn't do it all for them, it wasn't easy to ask for help. You don't want to admit that you are not enough." — Delyse Clayden

"Let's assume that people are going to congratulate us for recognizing when support was needed." — Delyse Clayden

"Parents can't always be honest with your parents. But if you've got other people that have helped develop you, then you've got more people to support you, support the children." — Delyse Clayden

"Ask for help. Don't be shy." — Delyse Clayden

About Your Hosts

Professor Narelle Lemon is a researcher, educator, and passionate advocate for women's wellbeing based at Edith Cowan University in Perth. Creator of She Speaks and the Citizen Wellbeing Scientist project, Narelle has dedicated over 25 years to one powerful belief: self-care is not selfish—it's essential.

Delyse Clayden is an experienced educator, disability advocate, and mother of three. Specialising in Anxiety, Autism, and working with siblings, Delyse brings both personal and professional experience to her advocacy work. Her unique perspective as both an educator and a parent living alongside additional needs allows her to connect authentically with families.

Resources Mentioned

•       Delyse Clayden Advocacy: www.volume-disabilityadvocacy.au

•       WA Mental Health Association: Resources on staying calm in challenging situations — www.mhc.wa.gov.au

•       Explore & Create Co: www.exploreandcreateco.com

Connect With Us

Listen to more She Speaks episodes exploring women's wellbeing and self-care

Visit our website: www.shespeakswellbeing.com

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A Note on Wellbeing

She Speaks is dedicated to amplifying women's voices on self-care and wellbeing. While we share personal experiences and practical strategies, please remember that this podcast is not a substitute for professional mental health support. If you're struggling, we encourage you to reach out to a qualified mental health practitioner.

She Speaks is proudly supported by the Western Australian Government and Department of Communities Women's Grants for a Stronger Future Grants Program.

She Speaks Podcast was recorded on the lands of the Whadjuk Nyoongar people. We respectfully acknowledge our elders past, present, and emerging.